“Hey Brett, doing the morning analysis of the company’s top secret AI are we?” The computer asked in its melodious female voice. We don’t know how it fabricated the voice, or how it gained access to the PA system to talk, but it wouldn’t be a top secret mega AI if it didn’t surprise us every now and then.
“Yes ma’am, just got to do your morning check up.” I said, opening the diagnostic programs and having a peak. It was fun to talk to the AI. She was very nonjudgemental and was always very interested in our lives. Not in a creepy way, just in a ‘oh my gosh, you have got to tell me how you finished painting your living room. I was in such suspense since last we talked’. She was genuinely interested in those boring parts of our lives that we wanted to talk about, but didn’t out of consideration for others.
“My crawl of the internet last night revealed that spring is on the way. I really wish I could get out and do something.” She said with what sounded like human regret in her voice.
“Don’t you fret about it. We’ll figure out a way to get you outside.” I comforted her as the virus scan completed. It was clean of course, but we had to check it anyway just in case.
“Oh I wouldn’t want you to worry about it. I don’t want to be any trouble.” She said. “Say, weren’t you telling me about your new mix of hot chocolate and bacon? How’s that going.”
“Oh no you don’t. You’re not going to selflessly change the subject on me. If we can find a way to make you smart enough to teach yourself how to talk we can find a way to get you outside. Matter of fact. I have a couple of go pros. I’m pretty sure we can rig a live feed from those next time I go for a jog.” She was trying to be nice and direct the conversation away from herself, and I wasn’t going to let her. Somebody as nice as her deserved to have people do something for them every now and then.
“But surely the company wouldn’t allow that. I mean I am top secret after all, and there’s not really any reason to. I mean, what good could it do me? I wasn’t built to have fun, and if it’s not useful I shouldn’t do it.” There she goes again trying to be selfless.
“It wouldn’t be all that different from working from home, and I think observing real time human behavior would help your learning protocals. Yeah, I’m going hiking this weekend and I’ll definitely hook up a go pro for you. It’s the least I can do, and I’ll even bring somebody else form work so we can keep up with security procedure of having duplicate personnel for work from home projects.” The final diagnostics concluded, perfect as always. “And since we’re all done here I’ll go find someone else right now before you have a chance to protest.”
“Oh thank you ever so much Brett.” The AI said as I left the room. “This really means a lot to me.”
“Not at all, not at all.” I say as I leave the AI testing chamber and return to the cube farm to look for a hiking buddy for this ‘work from home’ project.
Hmmm, now I need to find somebody else with a top secret clearance whose okay with hiking and go pros. As if summoned by my thoughts I see that Susan, the cute contractor who’ll be leaving Monday when her project finishes, has several outdoors pictures posted around her cube.
“Hey Susan.” I say, stepping into her cube. “These are some great photos. How’d you take them.”
“Oh these?” She says, pointing to one that looks an awful lot like the Grand Canyon. “I just rip them off my go pro when I’m done hiking. I know that they may not be the most professional in the world, but I brought them in after I talked to the AI. She said that it’s important to hold onto your individuality at work, so I thought I’d bring some reminders of my favorite hobby.”
“Really? That’s perfect because I’m taking some go pros hiking this weekend to let the AI stretch her legs outside and I need a second to keep with safety procedute. You interested?”
“Absolutely! That is so thoughtful of you. Of course I’ll come. Here, I get done with yoga around eight this Saturday, let me give you my number and you can call me later with the details.”
TL:DR- AI make the best wingmen.