It was then that the hero happened upon the truth forge sword, the legendary blade itself. He knew the legend and approached it reverently to take hold of it.

I mean he raced forward exclaiming ‘dude check out the radical new nose picker’. As this must’ve had some great spiritual significance to his people.

As he removed the sword from itrs pedestal he raised it high to the heavens, and promptly began admiring himself in it.

“Come on now really?” I asked.

“Yeah man, I need to shave bad, ooh and I bet this thing is sharp enough to make sushi.” The hero valiantly dashed to the nearest river to procure fish to um, well, make sushi with in order to, hmm, impress the king?

“Nah man, I ain’t sharing. I haven’t had Japanese in weeks.”

“How could you have Japanese? There isn’t even an island nation in this world!”

“There was in the last book you were narrating.”

“How could you possibly know that!”

Anyway the hero got bored of his quest for fish and was now valiantly picking berries and throwing them at small animals to….lift a curse on some maiden who might have at some point maybe gotten turned into a small animal.

“No dude, it’s just fun.” He responded back.

“Well, I hate to do this, but you leave me no choice.” I informed the impudent little fool.

“What can you possibly do? You just talk about what I’m doing.” He retorted.

“You clearly aren’t familiar with my work.” I took a deep breath and recited from memory.

“Tinky Winky. Dipsy. La La. Po.” Four giant monstrous monocolor demons appeared right behind our hero.