Election of the gods

In an effort to modernize, the Greek gods hold democratic elections.

“Settle down everyone.” Athena said. Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades, the big three, were all standing at the podiums awaiting the start of the debate. Zeus was sharing a laugh with Dionysus.

“Father.” Athena said, mildly angrily, at Zeus. “We must begin, the mortals are awaiting our decision. The Norse gods elected Thor the head of their pantheon two weeks ago and if we have any hope of maintaining our number of believers we need to make this quick.”

“I’m sorry.” Zeus said, whipping away a tear of mirth. “Please continue.” Hades was glaring sideways at him, he still suspected Zeus had cheated in the drawing of straws that had earned him his place on the mountain. Poseidon was looking off into the distant ocean, and Hermes had to give him a poke to refocus his attention

“Thank you.” Athena replied, returning to her stately bearing. “As I was saying, welcome to the first annual debate of the gods. You three are the major contenders, and so have been chosen to debate. We have chosen the questions carefully and each of you will have a chance to respond.”

“First question, where do you stand on paid advertising at temple entrances. Poseidon, your response first.” Athena said, in a very careful measured voice.

“Hmm, what?” He said, having become once again distracted by the ocean in the distance. “Oh, uh, I guess advertising is bad. Place of worship and all.” He didn’t even finish his sentence before looking back out at the ocean.

“Hades?” Athena prompted.

“Now then, I propose that the situation is not bifurcated in nature and requires a thorough investigation as to the advantages and disadvantages. I believe that this investigation will demonstrate that some advertising, if kept to an acceptable and not outlandish nature will be acceptable.” Hephaestus had yawned halfway through his speech.

“Zeus?” Athena asked.

“More money!” Zeus shouted. This brought a laugh from the crowd of assembled deities. Athena shook her head and turned back to Poseidon.

“Second question.” Athena was cut off before she could finish.

“I’m sorry.” Poseidon interjected. “I really have to get back to my kingdom, can we just vote for who gets to be head god now?” Athena sighed. She had a twenty point list of hot button issues, but several gods were already falling asleep and they had barely started.

“Fine.” She exasperatedly put a hand to her forehead. “All in favor of Poseidon becoming head of Olympus?” Everyone but herself, Dionysus, and Hephaestus raised their hands.

“What!” Hades shouted. “The fool doesn’t know the first thing about governing!”

Hermes shrugged. “He seems to manage well enough, and he’s not going to overcomplicate things like you.”

“Overcomplicate things!” Hades yelled. Before he could find more words to say Poseidon interjected again.

“Great, thanks everyone, now I gotta get back to the sea. Zeus gets to rule while I’m gone.” Zeus whooped for joy. Athena buried her face in her hands, Hephaestus and Dionysus high fived Zeus, and Hades went back to the underworld in a shrieking ball of flame.

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