You ever watched a unicorn? I mean really watched a unicorn. Not just a passing glance at it as you were walking through the woods, but really stopped to watch it graze.

It will seem dull at first, like any other animal during feeding time, but it’s not just any other animal. The white elegant beast will glance at you, and if you maintain it’s gaze for long enough, it will start to do things decidedly, human. It may tilt it’s neck to one side and blink at you. It may narrow it’s eyes like it’s trying to figure you out. If you really stare at it the horned animal will start giving you sideways glances like a middle schooler looking at their crush and trying to decide whether to ask them out or not.

“Dragon!” Someone called out from behind me, pushing me to the ground. I glanced up to see a giant winged lizard descend on the animal and lift it into the air. It was still looking at me as it was carried away. It didn’t cry out. That part was perhaps most human of all. What animal upon being presented with its final fate wouldn’t struggle? The beautiful thing just looked at me as it was carried upward.

“Get down lad!” Someone called from behind me again. They didn’t give me time to react. They shoved me to the ground, and when I looked up there was a great roar as the dragon was felled from the sky. I saw the unicorn gallop off into the woods, safe. I felt as if I had just seen a child wrested from the arms of a kidnapper.

“Were you just going to stand there and watch lad?” The man from behind me asked.

I realized this whole time I must’ve appeared bound by some magical trance to stare at the unicron, and perhaps I was, but I was being most rude to this person who had saved the animal.

“I am sorry.” I say, getting up off the ground and turning to see who had saved me. “That was an excellent shot….father?” I was confused. Behind me was a scene straight out of a bible thumper’s fanfic.

Four priests, obviously priests, I could see rosarys and roman collars. They were clad in plate mail, carrying crossbows that had vials of holy water strapped to the bolts.

“That’s right my son. Ever heard of the legionaries of Christ?”