Tag Archives: Magic

The ancient creatures are back

You ever watched a unicorn? I mean really watched a unicorn. Not just a passing glance at it as you were walking through the woods, but really stopped to watch it graze.

It will seem dull at first, like any other animal during feeding time, but it’s not just any other animal. The white elegant beast will glance at you, and if you maintain it’s gaze for long enough, it will start to do things decidedly, human. It may tilt it’s neck to one side and blink at you. It may narrow it’s eyes like it’s trying to figure you out. If you really stare at it the horned animal will start giving you sideways glances like a middle schooler looking at their crush and trying to decide whether to ask them out or not.

“Dragon!” Someone called out from behind me, pushing me to the ground. I glanced up to see a giant winged lizard descend on the animal and lift it into the air. It was still looking at me as it was carried away. It didn’t cry out. That part was perhaps most human of all. What animal upon being presented with its final fate wouldn’t struggle? The beautiful thing just looked at me as it was carried upward.

“Get down lad!” Someone called from behind me again. They didn’t give me time to react. They shoved me to the ground, and when I looked up there was a great roar as the dragon was felled from the sky. I saw the unicorn gallop off into the woods, safe. I felt as if I had just seen a child wrested from the arms of a kidnapper.

“Were you just going to stand there and watch lad?” The man from behind me asked.

I realized this whole time I must’ve appeared bound by some magical trance to stare at the unicron, and perhaps I was, but I was being most rude to this person who had saved the animal.

“I am sorry.” I say, getting up off the ground and turning to see who had saved me. “That was an excellent shot….father?” I was confused. Behind me was a scene straight out of a bible thumper’s fanfic.

Four priests, obviously priests, I could see rosarys and roman collars. They were clad in plate mail, carrying crossbows that had vials of holy water strapped to the bolts.

“That’s right my son. Ever heard of the legionaries of Christ?”

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What wizards do when they’re bored

“You shall not pass!!” The wizard shouted at the students entering the classroom. The professor was still in shocked silence from when he had appeared in a flash of smoke mere moments before. The students also froze as they came in, forming clumped lines in the hallways.

“Security.” The professor whispered into an emergency phone.

The wizard rounded on him, bringing his staff to bear, circling it as he incanted “I am a servant of the secret fire, wielder of the flame of arnor. The dark fire will not avail you flame of Udun! Go back to the shadow. YOU. SHALL. NOT. PASS!” He then blasted the exam papers into the air, setting them on fire to the cheers of the students.

At this point security walked in, and the wizard turned to once again address the class. “Fly you fools.”

What they really meant

It isn’t every day someone finds a magic lamp. One wish later, and I can hear what people actually mean. It’ll be nice to hear what my coworkers actually think of me after all these years.

I stroll confidently through the cubes and wave hi to my boss.

“Morning Susan.” I call cheerfully.

“I’m acknowledging your standard greeting with a standard response.” She calls back. I smile and move into the gowning area to put on my lab coat.

“Morning Teresa.” I call to the coworker whose running an experiment on the next bench over.

“I’m sounding mildly disinterested and distracted because I really don’t like talking to people all that much and am trying not to attract too much attention, but I am trying to add in enough positivity so you don’t think I’m being rude to you in so I can continue to foster productive work relationships and thereby further both my career and personal life.” Wow, and all she probably really said was ‘hi’.

Around lunch time I sat down with a co-worker Samantha and discussed politics over some sandwhiches.

“I’m voicing an opinion I feel strongly about because my social group stigmatizes anyone with the opposite opinion and I’m trying to fit in.” Samantha tells me.

“That’s interesting, when did you hear about this.” I asked.

“From my friend.” She replied. Huh, that was probably what she actually said.

“So what do you think of the president’s new economic decision?”

“I’m voicing an opinion I feel strongly about because my social group stigmatizes anyone with the opposite opinion and I’m trying to fit it. Also I love chicken.” I wondered how many political questions I could ask and get this same answer? This was going to make the elections so much more interesting. Also, I wondered if the chicken comment was about the food or the economic policy.

Having completed an interesting day of talking to coworkers it surprised me to know it actually made conversations a lot easier. When I arrive home and say hello to my husband whose watching to TV he responds.

“Hello person of significant emotional value to me who I am attempting to acknowledge enough that she feels valued but not so much that she feels the need to start a conversation.” I make my way to the study to find a good book and reflect that if he said that whenever he wanted alone time we’d probably have way less fights.

I periodically checked in with him every half hour to see if he was ready for me. His responses were the same. He wanted alone time but wanted to acknowledge me, until I finally heard.

“I think I’m done watching TV and wish the girl I love would just come over here so we could spend some time together.” His comment was made all the sweeter by the fact that I knew he meant it.

I eagerly came back in, and when I sit down he tells me.

“I love you.”

A lifetime of October 13th 2014

Okay, the train just passed, one one thousand, two one thousand, three one thousand, and turn. Squint, eyes go wide, jaw drops, reach it into back pocket, and kneel.

“Oh my gosh you are the most wonderful woman I’ve ever seen in my whole life, will you marry me?” She steps back and covers her face in shock. Now quick lunge forward to grab her dangling hand and pull her away from the on coming cab.

“I’m sorry.” I stand up and quickly release her hand and back peddle. “I didn’t mean to scare you so badly, it’s just I couldn’t risk the chance of you getting away.”

“How, how, what.” She stammers. I put the ring back into my pocket.

“It’s okay, I understand, this is too much. I should go.” I turn and take three steps away, and then pause and drooped my head. It had taken a dozen cycles to figure out it was exactly three steps that would do it.

“Wait.” She calls, running up and taking my hand. “It’s okay. I just.” She fumbles. I look at her eyes with an expression of hope and fear that I had spent two whole cycles perfecting in a mirror.

“Why did you have an engagement ring in your back pocket?” The first time she asked this I had went with ‘Just in case I see something as rare as you’. That had gotten me a few oohs and ahhs, but hadn’t gone anywhere. Next I had tried some practical excuse about selling an old family heirloom. That had almost earned me a slap for selling an engagement ring. This time I decided to try.

“Because I was going to propose to the woman I love, and I didn’t expect to run into the woman of my dreams.” Her knees buckled and I had to lunge forward to catch her again. Three hours later we were saying our vows in front of a justice of the peace.

Some people would spend an eternity doing depraved acts, or earning lots of money, or possibly traveling. Me, I wanted to marry every girl in the world.

The face of romance

The choice

Audio version of this story can be found at: http://clyp.it/v0ynxlvd

An individual is given a choice. They are either given a week to live where they are able to explore the most amazingly wondrous things and experiences in the universe. And to do something incredibly meaningful. Or they can continue on with the rest of their life as it is.

Meaning, or life, that was the question. So many people asked about the meaning of life, that was no longer relevant for me. The mysterious white robed individual before me was being very tight lipped about the details. He wouldn’t say where we would go, or what we would do, only that the places would be wondrous, and the things meaningful.

Meaning, or life. A week to live, wasn’t much time. I would never get to meet true love, watch my children grow up, or even graduate college for that matter. What would my parents say? I had two of the most loving people in the world to call mother and father, and they would now be forced to bury their own child. I couldn’t imagine what that would feel like.

But the places I would see! Could it be we would travel to the center of a black hole? Or to another world with an alien civilization? I gazed around at the white mountain top temple I had found this white robed wish granter in. The place was vast and ancient, it certainly seemed to be able to deliver wondrous things. I gazed piercingly at the mysterious figure whose arms were crossed and whose eyes were unblinking. I would get no answers from him.

Meaning or life. I would also do something wonderful, cure cancer, solve world hunger, create a lasting international peace. I would cause pain to a few yes, but so much joy to so many. For that reason alone I must choose meaning or life. My life’s goal was to have meaning, so really there was no choice.

Meaning it was then. The wish granter didn’t need me to speak, he had read my mind, and nodded before snapping his fingers.

The week flew by in a flash, but not how I had anticipated it. There were no scientific wonders or spectacular views. The first place I saw was a California beach. No future technology, no aliens, just a regular beach. I waited for a second to see if Poseidon would rise up for the depths or something, but nothing happened.

The white man and I were sort of hovering halfway out into the ocean like a couple of ghosts that no one could see. I was about to ask him for a refund, until I heard a cry for help from far out in the ocean, and a young man streak out into the waves.

I looked to see where the cries for help came from, and saw a lady about a hundred yards out, being pulled by a riptide. She was losing her strength and starting to sink when the young man reached her, and pulled her up. He could barely keep the two of them afloat, much less bring them back into shore, and the riptide was pulling them further out.

I wanted to cry out for someone to help them, thankfully the lifeguard on duty had seen the whole thing and had sent for help. A small raft was making its way towards them.

Just like the young man the boat arrived just in time. Unfortunately there was only one seat on the boat, which the heroic man gave to the woman. I bit my lip as he began to visibly struggle to stay afloat.

The man continued being pulled further out to sea. By the time the boat made it back, the hero had went under.

The entire week I didn’t see a black hole, or an alien civilization. I saw medals of honor being earned, husbands sacrificing themselves for their wives, wives sacrificing themselves for their children. I saw proposals, births, weddings, and also funerals, and deaths. At the end of the week I knew I had truly seen some of the most incredible things that had ever happened.

I had no regret when the seventh day had passed and I turned to my escort and asked him. “Alright, I’m ready, what am I to do.” For an answer, he snapped his fingers.

I found myself on a California beach, and heard a woman being carried out by a riptide cry for help.