The actual love drug

“Hormones?” He says.

“Yeah, I think they said there were modified stereoisomers of Dopamine and Oxytocin, or something like that. You can check the pamphlet if you want.” I thought Bryan would be extatic, but he’s giving me a flat stare. I know that stare, it was the same one he had given me when I suggested we move in together.

“So, did it come in a bottle? Or a pill?” He asked. It was an odd question. He must be stalling for time to think.

“An injection actually. Well, kind of, an injection. It was like when you donate blood and they stick something in your arm, only instead of collecting my blood they hooked up a bag and let it drip into my veins.” He nodded, and looked at his hands which he was folding and unfolding. I wanted him to say something to let me know what was on his mind.

“It didn’t hurt.” I said. “It felt a little cold actually. I guess that’s because the bag is much colder than my body temperature. Weird right? I mean if I touched the bag it wouldn’t feel cold, but I guess the nerves in your blood vessels are more sensitive or something.”

“So they put love in a bag.” He said. That hurt, it made me feel cheap.

“No, no, that’s not right, it’s all natural science.” She said.

“All natural?” He said. “You really believe that?”

“Well, yes, yes I do.” I fumbled out. I had believed it when I had first said it. I wasn’t so sure now.

“It doesn’t matter.” He said. “You’re telling me that you didn’t think we were strong enough.”

“No.” I quickly blurt out.

“Yes you are.” He said. His speech was slow. It wasn’t heated or loud, it was like he was reading a list of facts. “You didn’t think we could make it, so you gave yourself a love shot, and to top it all off, that means the thing you’re depending on in this relationship isn’t me. You didn’t trust me to build you up, so you needed some doctor or nurse to give you a shot of what you wanted, a bit of an emotional high. You didn’t want me, Jessica, you wanted to feel good.” I couldn’t respond to that, and he didn’t give me a chance.

“You know the funny part? I was ready to do forever with you.” He pulls out a small box out of his back pocket, and sets it down next to him. It’s the kind of box made for carrying one specific, very expensive thing.

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