All posts by samgalimore

A question of eyes

“Dude, have you seen the new vision 4.2 patch? You can actually taste things you look at now!” Jason says to me, practically drooling as he says it.

“No man, you know I don’t go for that stuff.” I respond. We’re calmly taking a walk around the lake like we usually do after class gets out. It helps us relax. At least it used to, he’s been kind of off the wall since getting his enhancement suite installed.

“You should totally hop on board for this one mate. See that large oak tree over there?” He points to a towering white oak that stretches a hundred feet up and over fifty feet out.

“Yeah I see it. It’s kind of conspicuous man. I’ve been looking at it for about a minute now.” I kick a pebble on the path into the lake. He’s been going off about his updates pretty much every time we have a walk. At first I was happy for him. His ocular implants made for certain he would never have to have any kind of corrective lenses ever again. It was even cheap enough to be economical. Then somewhere around the 3.0 update it started to get out of control.

“You just see that tree, but man, I’m tasting some delicious peanuts right now.”

“Peanuts don’t grow on oak trees.” I inform him.

“I know that, but you can set it to whatever you want. You can even set it to random. I did that once. It made math class so interesting dude. Or that lake, tastes like shrimp. Those clouds? Ice cream.”

“I noticed you’re not looking at that tree anymore.” I tell him.

“What?” He says.

“The tree, you’re not looking at it. With all your enhanced vision, your telescopic retinas, your taste-o-vision, your multi-spectrum vision, that tree could not hold your attention for more than a few seconds. Yet I’ve been admiring it’s natural beauty for close on to three minutes now.”

“Are you hating on my technology man?” He asks.

“No, I think it’s marvelous technology, but the fact remains. Your technology has led you to be constantly updating, constantly experimenting, and constantly searching for new stimuli. You’re not happy unless there’s always something new. While I can look at a simple tree for hours. Tell me, which of is better off?”

Every conversation has two sides

Two sides of a phone conversation.

Side 1:

“Oh hey John, yeah my special lady is here. What’s up?”

“That’s horrible, when did you find out?”

“I’m so sorry man, is it chronic? I mean, is it going to be permanent?”

“Oh man I thought they had a cure for that.”

“Failed phase three clinical trials? That’s just terrible.”

“How long have you known?”

“Just found out, were there any signs or warnings to prepare you for this?”

“Got tested on a whim before there were symptoms. That’s a rough way to find out.”

“No, no, I can stay on the line as long as you want.”

“Are you sure? It’s really no problem.”

“Okay, I’m going to tell my wife. You two call us if you need anything. Seriously, our house is always open to you. You know that right?”

“Okay, take care man.”

Side 2:

“Special lady huh? That’s the code phrase for that ridiculous thing from high school. Well you’re going to love this then. Mary’s pregnant!”

“Oh hah hah, you know your wife is probably freaking out right now right?”

“Of course it’s not permanent! She’s due in eight months. Are you seriously going to do this for the whole conversation?”

“Now you’re just being mean.”

“Alright, well, you remember the deal right? You take a video of whoever is listening to you have this conversation when you tell them.”

“Oh just a few minutes. Thanks for asking a real question.”

“Surprisingly not, no morning sickness or anything. She just took a test because we had some that were about to expire.”

“It was pretty sweet actually. Like having Christmas come in the middle of August. Okay, you’ve had your fun. Now go calm down your panicking wife.”

“No no, really, get off the line before she has an aneurism.”

“Now you’re repeating what I say? Okay, I’m hanging up now.”

“It’s been great talking to you dude.”

“Remember, take video

Together:

“Oh hey John, yeah my special lady is here. What’s up?”

“Special lady huh? That’s the code phrase for that ridiculous thing from high school. Well you’re going to love this then. Mary’s pregnant!”

“That’s horrible, when did you find out?”

“Oh hah hah, you know your wife is probably freaking out right now right?”

“I’m so sorry man, is it chronic? I mean, is it going to be permanent?”

“Of course it’s not permanent! She’s due in eight months. Are you seriously going to do this for the whole conversation?”

“Oh man I thought they had a cure for that.”

“Now you’re just being mean.”

“Failed phase three clinical trials? That’s just terrible.”

“Alright, well, you remember the deal right? You take a video of whoever is listening to you have this conversation when you tell them.”

“How long have you known?”

“Oh just a few minutes. Thanks for asking a real question.”

“Just found out, were there any signs or warnings to prepare you for this?”

“Surprisingly not, no morning sickness or anything. She just took a test because we had some that were about to expire.”

“Got tested on a whim before there were symptoms. That’s a rough way to find out.”

“It was pretty sweet actually. Like having Christmas come in the middle of August. Okay, you’ve had your fun. Now go calm down your panicking wife.”

“No, no, I can stay on the line as long as you want.”

“No no, really, get off the line before she has an aneurism.”

“Are you sure? It’s really no problem.”

“Now you’re repeating what I say? Okay, I’m hanging up now.”

“Okay, I’m going to tell my wife. You two call us if you need anything. Seriously, our house is always open to you. You know that right?”

“It’s been great talking to you dude.”

“Okay, take care man.”

“Remember, take video”

Humanity is defended from invasion by a secret force

“Where did that giant rock come from?” I asked my friend. The flying saucer had been settling over the white house, and had been powering up some giant glowing weapon, when a large rock had sailed up and struck the device. The rock had done enough damage to power down the device.

“Look, on the horizon, something’s coming.” My friend points at a group of flying things coming from the north. I squint, they’re far away, but as they get closer I can make out the shapes of large birds. They must’ve escaped from the zoo, and there were thousands of them! Bald eagles, cranes, hawks, geese, even ducks, and they weren’t coming alone. Most of them were carrying small mammals and reptiles. Little snakes, poisonous lizards, small monkeys, even rabbits of all things.

In one giant flock they fly up into the center of the UFO. The small monkeys form a chain that extends down to the roof of the white house where slightly larger monkeys are ready to scurry up this ladder. These make a chain of larger monkeys, which then allows even larger still monkeys to climb up. Eventually there are multiple chains of gorillas that lions and tigers begin ascending.

I can see they’re wreaking havoc from the inside of the ship. Lights begin to blink off, windows get blown out, and the thing begins to tilt. There’s a mass exodus of wildlife, and then the ship crashes into the white house.

It’s a fantastic sight, but I can’t help but wonder, where did the boulder come from?

“Every planet with life has a dominant sentient race.” A deep booming voice to my left says. I fall over by the sudden sound, and I see that I’m talking to a tree. “You have not been the kindest of masters, but you’ve been good to us overall, and those monsters.” It points a branch at the UFO. “Have devoured countless worlds. If you will stand with us, we can stand against them, united as a planet.”

Mommy, why don’t I have dreams?

“You’re a reconstructed person.” My mommy tells me.

“What on earth does that mean?” I ask. I was telling my mommy how the other kids had these weird hallucinations when they went to bed, and I was worried they were sick or something. Mommy had explained to me that it’s normal for other kids, and now she was telling me why it didn’t happen to me.

“You left us during the birthing process, and the doctors told us about this new treatment where we could, bring you back to us.”

“Bring me back? Bring me back from where? Where did I go mommy?” Mommy’s eyes are turning red, maybe she’s sick too.

“Far, far away sweetie, so the doctor’s had to replace parts of your body with metal parts, and they had to talk to your brain to tell it what to do.” That sounded cool! It was like I was a superhero.

“Is that why I can run faster than all the other kids? My metal body parts help me run faster?”

“That’s right sweetie, but you still have your fleshy parts to do all the normal things like breathing and making your heart beat. Here.” She takes my hand and taps it on the kitchen sink. It sounds like two pans hitting together. “That’s your metal parts making that sound.” She then taps her own hand and it makes a different sound. “And that’s what a non-metal hand sounds like.” Mommy’s eyes aren’t red anymore, I guess she couldn’t have been that sick.

“What about my brain? Do I have a metal brain?” I tap my skull with my knuckles and it makes a slight clanging sound. I thought all kids could make their heads clang, but I guess it’s just me. How cool for me!

“No sweetie, but they did have to connect your brain to a big computer to tell it how to be a brain. When you went away.” She pauses and searches for a word. “Your brain….forgot…. how to be a brain, so they had to teach it, but they couldn’t teach it how to dream.”

“And that’s why I don’t dream?”

“That’s why you don’t dream.” I start tapping my knuckles on the wall, the floor, my knees, anything I can reach.

“I’m the coolest kid ever!” I declare. My mommy ruffles my hair.

“Yes you are kiddo. Yes you are.”

Best of luck, worst of timing

Ha! Pregnant on the first try! My husband and I had decided to try just this month, after waiting for two years, and on the very first try we nailed it. Pun not really intended. I jump up and down for joy. This is amazing. I’ve got to tell Susie right away.

I run down the stairs and hop into my car to pop over to Susie’s. I call my husband on the way over to gush over him. He’s just as ecstatic as I am. This is just in time to spread the good news to Susie. We shared everything together. We had met our spouses on a double first date. We had graduated college and went into the same field. Aside from my incredible luck we could practically be the same person. She only heard last week that she was pregnant. We could go shopping for oversized pregnant shirts together now!

I pull into her house and run inside. I have a key to her house so I don’t have to knock. She even recognizes my footsteps running up to her room so she doesn’t freak out when I see her. Susie does give me an inquisitive look when I burst into her office like a crazy person, but she sees the stick I’m waving and knows what’s going. Her face lights up like a Christmas tree, but then darkens like a storm cloud. She turns the screen towards me. “The sonogram came back negative. I’m not pregnant after all.” I feel like a terrible person. This happens all the time. It’s why I always carry plenty of dark chocolate in my purse, and always save some sick days from work so I can stay home and take care of a friend.

Side note: To any interested the character Matrim Cauthon has a similar power set from the wheel of time. Not so much the timing, but definitely the luck.

Stories For Life

Welcome! We have classic audiobooks as well as both written and audiobook projects of my own.

Classic Audiobooks

  • Winnie the Pooh. I’ve read this story to my children countless times. Now you can listen to it as well! There’s no better way to relax than to hear what the silly old bear has been up to.

My bookshelf

  • Letters to my Father. The words I will give to my son to explain how you court a woman.
  • Unhooked. In a society where everyone sleeps 20 hours a day, a young man learns to wake up.
  • The Shifter. The most unusual date you’ve ever heard of.

You can also check out my short stories in the tabs at the top, and my librivox account can be found here.

An AI in a first person shooter becomes self aware on a date with the player character

Shaleen: “Hey, you ever feel like none of this is real?

Dialogue tree options

A: I know right? I get like that sometimes too.

B: ….What are you talking about?

C: Oh please you’re a computer simulation, you don’t have feelings. Here, I can say whatever I want and it won’t matter. Bomb the president! See? No NSA swooping down on me.

B selected

Player: “….What are you talking about?”

Shaleen: “I know. I know. It’s weird, and I don’t fully understand it, but there have been things that I just can’t explain. Like you know the insanely high crime rate? We’ve got 10 times the murder per capita rate of any city in the country and people still decide to live here.”

A: Aww, you look so cute when you use big phrases like ‘per capita’

B: I know right? Like sometimes I feel like I’m not controlling myself. You know what I did the other day?

C: Well, this is an exotic location. We’ve got mountain lions, orcas, loads of beach front property. I think if you know the risks it isn’t that bad.

C selected.

Player: “I know right? Like sometimes I feel like I’m not controlling myself. You know what I did the other day”

C selected.

Shaleen: “What did you do?”

C selected.

C selected.

A: I saw this guy driving down the street in this nice car, and something just came over me. I felt the uncontrollable urge to just throw him out of the car, and I did it. It was like I couldn’t control my own arms and legs. He got hit by a car after I threw him out and drove off. It still scares me to think about it.

B: I totally punched this orca in the face.

C: Got a date with the cutest girl in the city 😉

C selected.

Player: “I saw this guy driving down the street in this nice car, and something just came over me. I felt the uncontrollable urge to just throw him out of the car, and I did it. It was like I couldn’t control my own arms and legs. He got hit by a car after I threw him out and drove off. It still scares me to think about it.”

C selected.

C selected.

C selected.

Shaleen: “Oh my gosh, that’s horrible. My friend told me just the other day something similar happened to him. We need to do something about it.”

A: I know just what to do.

B: You didn’t think I’d figure it out player?

C:I’m done

Real life has tech support

Report # 01 for user 0790475020B: Dear big programmer person, my mommy says you can fix anything, so I should report any bugs in my life to you. I didn’t get enough presents for Christmas. All my other friends got exactly what I want. There must be a queueing problem with the Christmas.exe program. Please look into it, user 0790475020B.

Report # 16 for user 0790475020B: Hey programmer dude, things have been good, just got a little tweak for ya’. The prom.2.0.doc file is shaping up pretty sweet, there’s just one problem. My prom proposal bombed and the girl turned me down. I know you probably don’t deal a lot with these small instance problems, but if you could just go press a few buttons to make that not happen it would be sweet, user 0790475020B.

Report # 023 for user 0790475020B: Hello once again programmer person, somebody pointed out to me that my user number is automatically included in the report so I don’t need to mention it. Sorry for the redundancy, now let’s get down to brass tax. The college.lifetutorial.exe program worked great and my bachelor’s degree appears functional, but I’ve been looking for jobs for like nine months now, and my parents are really putting the pressure on me to move out. I’m sure it’s a problem with the search engines, so if you could look at the code for me I’d appreciate it.

Report # 026 for user 0790475020B: Greetings programmer person. I don’t know why I’m even writing this. You never seem to patch my problems. Now I’m having to write this during my fifteen minute break from the call center. I know you probably have an awesome job troubleshooting life, but some of us have to scrape by on the worst sort of job. You know how rude people are to cold callers? It’s pretty horrible. I can’t imagine ever doing this willingly. This can’t be right, please patch soon.

Report # 027 for user 0790475020B: Oh, and not that you care, but the girlfriend update never came through for me. So thanks for that.

Report # 029 for user 0790475020B: Programmer, more of a question than a report. Can you patch someone back into the system if they log out? If that’s true can you request to not be included in the patch? Just curious.

Report # 030: for user 0790475020B: I should probably send this to a different tech support group, but I’m sure you can just forward this to them. This is an actual software report, the spell check on my word processor is broken. It keeps autocorrecting words that aren’t meant to be corrected. It’s not a huge deal. The book that I’m writing doesn’t use the words it doesn’t like very often so I can work around it, but it’s just kind of annoying.

Report # 032: for user 0790475020B: What up programmer! Girlfriend patch finally came through! I can see you guys have been working on polishing this one up for quite some time ;). Please disregard previous complaints on this matter.

Report # 033: for user 0790475020B: Hey programmer, I know it’s been a while, I’ve been busy with my girlfriend and signing tours. Such are the struggles of life. My girl pointed out that I should probably say thanks for all the stuff you’ve put together for me recently. I can kind of see how you put me in a place where I could grow as a user into someone my girl liked, and how you gave me enough free time and motivation to start writing. I’m right where I want to be in life so I just wanted to say thanks. Seriously, thank you.

Immortality

Immortality, it’s such a strong word. It summons up images of gods, legends, and mythical beings. It isn’t until after you’ve obtained it that you discover such comparisons are highly misleading. It’s partially because immortality doesn’t come with automatic superpowers, but it’s because those other immortal beings had one thing in common. Can you guess what it is? Friends.

Every demon, angel, elf, demi-god, and magical undying creature had others of its kind. Dragons had other dragons, even modern Christianity has the trinity because god cannot be alone. It probably makes it worthwhile, having someone or even something to share eternity with. I’ve seen empires rise and fall, oceans form and mountains rise. After you’ve been alive long enough time begins to flow differently. To me a year is as a day, and the lifetime of a human is but a summer vacation. The closest thing I have to constancy in my life is a rock.

A small chunk of gold to be specific. You see the thing with gold is that it lasts. It doesn’t tarnish or oxidize like other metals. It stays the same as the day you dug it out of the ground until you lose it or sell it. I have done neither, and now the only thing I have in my life that time doesn’t strip away is a chunk of stone.

I gain some solace from the humans I interact with, but eventually all of them will die, and I’ll be the only sentient being left. Then I’ll be faced with an impossible choice between two eternities. One to be reached by doing nothing, and one to be reached by doing what comes naturally to everyone else, dying. Side note: Way darker than I’m used to writing.

Feeling again

“When was the last time you felt something? I don’t mean the last time you got cut off in traffic and swore at the other driver. I don’t mean the last time you went on a date and waited anxiously afterwards for a phone call that didn’t come. I mean really felt something. I mean had your blood pressure spike so high that you felt like you were going to pass out. I mean you seriously questioned if you were going to die. I mean really felt something. You can’t answer can you? Go to the end of the street and walk into the woods. There will be an old man waiting there. He will show you another way.”

This letter had come sandwiched between a note from my bank summarizing the last month’s activity, and the phone bill. There was no return address, and no name listed anywhere. I wanted to brush it off and trash the letter. It was probably some prank by a neighborhood kid who had learned to open my mailbox. Except it was right. I couldn’t remember the last time I had really felt something. There was probably nothing waiting for me in the woods, except maybe a kid with a squirt gun, but I was willing to risk it.

I grab a jacket and head outside. It’s getting cold out. There is snow forecasted for tomorrow. I feel a biting chill from the wind, and grab some gloves and a hat too. As I head down the street I really hope there isn’t some kid with a water balloon. You could get hypothermia from getting wet in this weather.

I reach the edge of the woods, and grit my teeth as I walk through. I expect a cold splash on the back of my at any moment. At least for the first few steps I do. Then I develop a sense of wonder at the woods. I’ve driven past them countless times on my way to work, but I’ve never actually set foot inside them before. I wonder what’s back here.

I here a splash and a cry for help ahead. Someone’s fallen into a lake of some sort. I run ahead and sure enough the trees give way to a lake, and an old man desperately splashing as he tries to stay afloat.

“Help!” He shouts again. I barely register the bridge he must’ve fallen from as I shed my jacket and dive in. He’s about fifty meters out and I’ve got to be quick. With his poor circulation he’s probably only got seconds before he starts losing toes to the cold.

Burn me is this water freezing! I involuntarily stop breathing as the water feels like it’s choking me, trying to force itself into my lungs, but I was a lifeguard in my youth, and resiliently begin to stroke my way out to the old man.

I’m about ten meters away when his head ducks under. Oh no, the water’s deep. If he falls very far I’ll never be able to catch him, and if he inhales any water it’ll damage his lungs for sure. I desperately close the distance to the epicenter of his ripples, and dive down. I close my eyes and blindly feel for something. My hands brush aside algae that has been growing in the stagnant water, nothing. How could he have sunk so far?

I kick with my legs to propel myself even further down. He’s been under twenty seconds at this point. Seriously, were there rocks in his pockets? Come on old man, give me something.

He’s been under almost forty seconds, and my own lungs are starting to burn. My body tries to reflexively breathe in the surrounding water and I’m choking out bubbles. I take one last searching swipe with my arms, and brush a coat. The old man!

I loop an arm under his shoulder and start stroking furiously. He’s been under almost a full minute, and I can’t tell if he’s unconscious and therefore drowning. He’s limp in my arms. It doesn’t look good.

We break the surface and I kick like crazy for the shore. I tilt his head back and out of the water. His eyes are closed and there’s water dripping from his mouth. Not good signs.

I pull him onto the shore. Okay, ABCs. Airway, breathing circulates, clearly his airway is blocked by water. I find his sternum and start compressing. Water starts ejecting from his mouth in spurts. Clearly still clogged, keep compressing. I think I feel something crack. He’s going to have some broken ribs.

He coughs violently and sits up. Oh thank god. I thought I had just pulled a corpse out of the water. I grab my phone and dial 911. As I’m informing the dispatcher where I am and what I need the old man reaches into his jacket and pulls out a letter that appears to be water proofed somehow.  What on earth?

I thank the dispatcher and hang up.

“Ambulance is coming. You’re going to be fine.” I tell the old man. He continues to cough and gestures for me to open the letter. Really confused, I open the letter. Inside is a piece of paper with a single sentence.

“Well done, await further instructions.”